REVIEWs

Post Valentine’s Day: The Ladies Manual To Men-The Unofficial Categorization Of Men


Okay so like a kid who has bought a toy, you’ve  taken home your val and guess what? Just like dad trying to put the toy together and failing (several times), you are having a hard time figuring out what type of bloke he is, so like dad who over the next few days has to buy the right battery size for the toy, you have to get to know Mr valentine over an expanse of time (1-3 months tops) and what better way to know just exactly what type of man you have than own a manual. You know like the ones you have in chocolate boxes telling you what’s in what? Thatis this!

1. Wuss

The guy who won’t defend himself because he’s too damn scared to. If you’re going out with Medusa nuff said innit but you aint!

2. Puss

Upgrade to ‘wuss’. He sucks up to his partner like a baby sucking a breast. There isn’t anything  wrong with being adorable and pussy cat-like, being careful to please her but if something doesn’t please you-learn to scratch you pussy-cat (I didn’t swear its just your mind)

3. Rambo

He won’t tell you ‘bleep’ let’s just get that straight now. He may be dying, damn! He still won’t tell you! He’s the self sufficient homo-erectus who can do what he wants, when he wants because he’s a hard man and he’ll be damned if he goes all wuss by sharing his feelings.

Dude-Sharing your feelings don’t make your balls drop off and roll down a drain-it makes you versatile, you prick! If women dislike a wuss then boy do they hate Rambos’ with a passion!

4. Arnold The terminator

Upgrade to your basic spasticated Rambo. Arnold comes across as a rambo because he is self-sufficent, does ‘his own thing’ and often tries to lead the way  (even if it’s the wrong way) spouting lines like ‘come with me if you want to live’.

Arnold is an ‘arguer’ and never knows how to admit defeat (there is victory in defeat at times). You are kinda grateful you don’t have a Rambo who just doesn’t share, Arnold shares, you just wish you knew what the ‘bleep’ the beef cake was talking about in his poor german accent (German accent not included in all packets of Arnold).

Arnold never makes any flipping sense and when they do that’s because you hired your friend or his (probably Rambo who never made sense on his own to bleeping well begin with anyway) as an interpreter. You could also try subtitles (subtitles available only in certain packets of Arnold).

Basically Arnolds’ are stupid and often contradict themselves but they make up for it by having shapely man-breasts bigger than the female ones God gave you. Overall not worth purchasing.

To be continued

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