Welcome to post valentine’s day!
1. You wake up to find the valentine you asked out is not the one lying next to you.
(you didn’t care who you went with as long as you went)
2. Your bank phones you up to tell you your card has been cancelled because you raped it yesterday.
(you thought you were the owner of Harrods‘)
3. You look in the mirror and wonder what caused all those damn scratch marks you’re covered in.
(last night was a wild night)
4. You look in the mirror and wonder how you ended up with a hand print on your cheek.
(you must have dumped someone…)
5. You walk past your local florist and she/he kisses you on both cheeks and tells you to come over for tea sometime.
(you thought you were Alan Titmarsh with money to spare)
6. Your florist takes of their shoe and hurls it at you.
(you didnt buy anything at the shop after promising you would)
7. Your parents demand to know who sent you that package containing edible underwear.
(you went all sisqo and thongy didn’t you?)
8. Your valentine says they enjoyed last night but that was all that it was.
(you picked up a freak didn’t you?)
9. Your valentine says they rather save sex for marriage and wink at you.
(clearly you’ve picked up someone who take their faith seriously)
10. Your valentine says they rather have sex rather than worry about relationship complications.
More post valentine’s articles coming very soon. if you can’t wait click the lick below for awesome valentine’s banter!